Emotionally this past week has been so draining. I had another talk from my HUNEY about where do I want our live to be….and this time it ended in tears!!!!! He felt sooo bad...and had called me several times since.........

Oh BTW he is still experiencing the silent treatments from almost all members of his family for a few weeks now! He told me that his dad is still constantly pounding him w/ WHAT’S NEXT questions….almost all his life….despite his many attempts to prove to him that he is a grown man who tries to live life his very best….He said that it just seems that his dad disregards his many attempts…and never cease…when he is done with one phase of his life, then immediately he will hustle him onto the next, by badgering him with WHAT NEXT? And…he said it has reached to the point that whenever he sees his dad….all he could hear is WHAT NEXT? WHAT NEXT? WHAT NEXT? His dad constantly wanna be involved in his current plan, his one year plan and five year plan and so on….and he was not going to accept “I don’t know” answers…..

Now back to me and what I want in my life? HONESTLY, I don’t know what’s next?? LOL….I don’t know whether I should stay here in ATL and struggle to deal w/ his family that so far has been like pulling teeth…waiting for him to come back from his overseas assignment? Or move to where he was before his overseas assignment, another strange STATE (a couple of states away from Georgia) and stay at his plush rented apartment, driving his car and patiently waiting for his comeback…(this choice is so appalling to me and sounds sooooo old-fashionish-like-one-of-those-arranged-marriage-women-patiently-awaiting for their-future-hubby!!!)

What I want to do is to head back to Houston, to the familiar where I have a network and TRUE friends…I don’t have “FRIENDS-FRIENDS” here in Georgia, I don’t know a lot of people like I do in Houston and it just don’t feel like home…I don’t fit in here….I have PLENTY of kewl acquaintances, people I smile at, hang out in a nice café, make basic conversation about the weather, traffic, generic pleasantries....But no one I can call in the middle of the night if I want to talk. I am so busy working a job with a miserable person who has turned to be so hateful and grumpy. (What can you do when you have to deal w/ this kind of person each MONDAY - FRIDAY…YESSSSSS I do try my best to live my Christian life….I DO!!!…I pray for his peace but I refuse to be his punching bag…therefore I decided to stay away from him COMPLETELY!!!!)

I have been to quite a few places in my life…..but I can’t consider another place besides Houston, TX where I can call home and grow roots in…..

Let’s take for an example Singapore…it is a brilliant city but lacks of soul…not much art, culture, literature or identity of it’s own….it feels like a surreal shopping fantasy land….sure the coffee shops, cuisine, shopping and architecture is fantastic. But in the midst of it all I always feel the COLDNESS and lost whenever I was there. Traffic and construction are booming at an unearthly rate. It feels like a strange fantasy dream city. You have to visit Singapore to understand what I'm saying. Don't get me wrong, it is a great place to have a holiday. But again, it's not a country I can grow roots in. STILL……….I'm torn about starting a life in Houston again….it is pretty scary. I don't have the faintest clue on how to even start this job searching process. Wow...this post turned out to be SUCH a downer. I'm so sorry!

This Human Resources guy had let me borrow this book called “The Prayer of Jabez” Jabez—a man whose name means pain. And he was a man who knew he needed God’s blessing and wasn’t afraid to ask for it and he was granted what he requested!

"And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that Thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that Thine hand might be with me, and that Thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested." 1 Chronicles 4:10

The Prayer of Jabez reminds us that everybody struggles with choosing to rely on himself or God. Jabez understands what many people do not -- there is only one God and He should be the center of our work God wants to bless every life. But, we must first make the choice to invite God into our life and ask for His blessings. I am then ever more convince that if I want to reach for goals and accomplishments that I want to have God in my side!!!

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Another issue…this guy who works in the assembly line….but also is a preacher for a small church. I tried not to judge anyone bcuz it is easy to be judged that way…..!!! But somthg about this guy….just something…just not right……….about him…..like he is kinda creepy……despite the fact that he claims that he is a MAN of GOD…..I always kinda stay away from him.

And then…..there is this woman…works at parts department…she is divorced w/ one grown child….and she is a member of his church…..it started out that way….anyway…about 6 months ago…then, then….somtg…happened…..he started to hang around her…a little too much…way to much…I am not sure what happened….and I am not gonna speculate anythg….they soon got tangled up with this mess….and he ended up willing to divorce his wife and resign from his church…ALL for this women….it is so heartbreaking for me…..that he allows his lust and temptations to overtake him and for her that she is the reason of why he is leaving his family, church and everybody who believed in him….how could she able to trust that their relationship will last? Let’s say if they do end up together….years later….will history repeat??? Will this man find another woman to lust after….and then leave her for this new one? God, I am not writing this to judge anyone….I am actually humbly praying for him, her, his family, the church and everyone else involved….….!!!!!!!

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Oh last night I was hanging out w/ some friends to celebrate "Barbie" birthday...FUN!!!!

Okay…back to my job searching…PRAY for me ppl……..and yes, I miss my contact lenses…wearing glasses is just way too straining for me…SIGH!!!!